totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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