I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
