You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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