she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
