fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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