yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
