First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
