In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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