why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
