Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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