i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
