First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
