every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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