Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
