If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
