I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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