Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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