I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
