Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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