Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
