you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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