A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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