my mouth tastes like poor choices
This girl is more easily done than said...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
