69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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