I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
