I skipped work to stalk him.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
