I just pynch a tree in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
