whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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