i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
