I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
