I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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