I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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