am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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