The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
