There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
