On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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