She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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