omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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