So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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