Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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