I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
