someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
