Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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