We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
