Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
