I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
