sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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