I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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