Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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