the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
