omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize