Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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