Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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