its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
