I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
