Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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