He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
