Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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