we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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