Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I didn't shave. On purpose
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
