Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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