I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
