You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
